Non-Permanence & Attachment

Yesterday the Universe gave me a gift.  But first, let me take you back several years when my youngest daughter, Sophie, was three years old - soon to be four.

It was Christmas and I was with my little girl shopping for her mother - my wife, Shari.  As I recall, I wanted to let Sophie decide what she would give her mom.  I asked Sophie what she wanted to give as a gift and she replied, "The sun."  So we went looking for the sun.  We found it at Michael's - the arts and craft store.  It took the form of a large red glass ornament that was maybe five inches in diameter with some sparkly silver designs.  It was perfect.

Every year since, we put "the sun" on the tree and laugh and talk about getting mommy "the sun" for Christmas.  It is one of those moments that occurs each year as is part of the process.  Though we chuckle and retell the story it is a moment that I also take for granted.  I mean, I'll hear the story again the next year when we pull "the sun" out from its resting place and hang it on the tree.  Right?  No.

Yesterday, the girls and Shari were putting Christmas away and un-decorating the tree.  Sophie was holding "the sun" by its string loop and talking about the sun story when it slipped and fell.  The "sun" literally exploded all over the floor.  For a brief moment no one moved.  We've all been there before.  That special item someone holds dear is suddenly broken - gone.  I could sense the realization of the moment taking shape in my daughter.  We're a relatively relaxed group of people - my kids, Shari and I - and so it was that I clapped my hands and chuckled and said, "Well.  That's the end of that."

But I knew Sophie was sad.  As was I.  So I picked her up and sat her on my knee and gave her a big hug.  Her eyes welled up and she put her head on my shoulder.  Then the Universe reminded me about Non-Permanence and Attachment.

In life we so often get attached to things.  It can be items, people, events, ideas...whatever.  But, the reality is life is fluid.  The world around us changes constantly.  The soil shifts, plants die, land masses move, governments fall, neighborhoods are created while others cease to be.  Ideas are continually being generated and old ones challenged.  People come into our lives for a time and then leave.  We live in a state of flux.  Nothing is permanent.

However, becoming attached to something can bring a sense of security.  The family farm.  A picture of someone special.  A toy.  A book.  Your spouse.  Your children.  And, of course, "the sun."  This sense of familiarity is comforting - it gives us a sense of predictability and thus, stability and these feelings feel good.  However, recognizing that nothing lasts forever can help us tremendously when these "things" are suddenly taken from us.  Honouring Non-Permanence is a way to allow us the strength to let go when the time comes.  It is never easy and I acknowledge this fact.  However, I believe that the principle of Non-Permanence can lead us to freedom as we learn to simply let go. Letting go does not mean that which we hold dear is gone.  It simply means we are free to move on.

I watched Sophie pick up the pieces of "the sun" and I could sense her thoughts.  "Sophie,"  I said. "No matter how much you want to put that ornament back together, it will be next to impossible." (Not the most encouraging words...but, I said it anyway.)  She picked up the pieces and as I went to get the broom and dust pan, my oldest daughter countered with this:  "Sophie, you should take the pieces and make a mosaic - a new ornament.  We can hang it on the tree and it will make a good story that we can talk about each year."

Sometimes the "things" that have left us take new forms.  That relationship that fell apart against your greatest desire for it to go on becomes a smile every time you remember him or her.  The parent who has passed on become tears that wash your eyes.  That favourite car that was recently sold to the auto wreckers because it just couldn't make another mile, becomes a story shared with friends and children every time a new car is purchased.  And, "the sun" takes a different form that will adorn the tree the following year and provide new memories that can be shared in the years ahead.