The Gift of Fear
I have generally seen myself as a fearful person. For those of you who know me well, this may or may not surprise you. It certainly surprises me...in a way. Surprises me how? Well, from time to time I seem to do things that others will not because they are too frightened. A few benign examples. I will go throughout the day at home with the door unlocked. Sometimes I'll go for a walk in the neighborhood and not lock the door at all. I've gone sky-diving, dived into dark waters (also stupid), cliff jumped, and also allowed myself several other opportunities where the outcome could simply not be known for sure. These are just a few tiny examples.
Let's go back to too frightened. I think this is the key for all of us. I have heard it said, "there are only two things: love and fear." At first, this smacks of dualism. Lots of things in life can be compartmentalized into two groups. Things are either right or wrong, good or bad, productive or unproductive, ...etc. And so, love and fear exist as two opposing forces and this makes sense to us intuitively. (In my opinion, the vast majority of the western world lives and breathes within dualism.) So, what? Well, if we leave it at that then, I think we miss the point entirely. It's as if we are left with a decision to choose either love or fear; that one is good and the other bad. Besides, aren't all things that make us fearful bad for us? Snakes and spiders with poisonous venom, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, terminal illness? Are not all of these things essentially bad for us and therefore deserving of our fear?
Perhaps not. I want to suggest to all of us that love and fear can coexist in a partnership that can be used to help us grow and expand as humans and souls in a universe that thrives on growth and expansion.
Both love and fear are great and powerful motivators. We commit ourselves to partners out of love, we "go to the ends of the earth" for our kids out of love, we tirelessly give of ourselves out of love...and so on. Love is a gift from the universe (or God, if you will). It can propel us through our darkest moments. But, what of fear? Have you ever considered that fear (or perhaps the ability to fear) is just as much a gift from the universe or God as is love? This is easy to see on a superficial level. It's good I'm fearful of slippery driving conditions - this keeps me aware of how I drive so as not to bring injury to myself or others. Or, it's good I'm fearful of being mauled by a bear - this keeps me aware of the dangers of backpacking in the mountains so I can stay alive. Here it's quite simple to see how fear is a "good" thing - it simply keeps us alive. So, unless you have a death wish, you can be grateful for the fear surrounding these situations. But, what about situations that are less concrete or obvious. What about the fear of being alone? What about the fear of losing a loved one to a terminal illness? Here, I believe we need to ask ourselves the question, "Why am I fearful?" or, "What am I fearful of?" In either case, the fear can point us to something that we have not given the time to consider; perhaps an issue that lies deep in our psyche or, as some would prefer, our soul memory. Fear is not just a motivator to preserve our lives in threatening situations. It can be like a friend who encourages us to move beyond our current situation and try something new and exciting; to engage in expansion and growth.
Consider the following example from my own life. I use this example deliberately because it's something I have thought about significantly over the last several weeks and I feel it is only appropriate, given the nature of this post, that I allow myself to become a bit vulnerable by sharing it. But first, let's create the context.
I grew up in a conservative Christian environment that subscribed mostly to a literalist perspective while maintaining close borders along evangelical and charismatic ideologies. Therefore, I was exposed to much discussion about the occult* and the evils thereof. Looking back, I have to ask myself, "How much research, reading of any kind, inquiry in general was actually taken on regarding things occult? Did anybody actually have any facts at all?" Maybe they did, but I have a tendency to believe not. I think a lot of what was spoken was delivered out of fear. I'll leave it at that for now. However, the result of such teachings was, in part, an intense fear born within myself about the devil, satan, demons, hell, eternal damnation and, of course, demon possession (cue dramatic & scary music here). So, somewhere along the way I got it into my head that Tarot cards, divination, out of body experiences, and pretty much all things paranormal were evil. It has only been in the recent past that I have started to challenge these ideas. I'm not going to say that I've done thousands and thousands of hours of research about things occult but I certainly have done my share.
So, that being said, approximately 3 months ago I had just finished reading a book authored by a medium. He wrote extensively about some of his experiences and how wonderful it was to be able to participate in messages of hope and closure between deceased persons and the living. I was a bit taken by surprise. One of the many questions I had was, "How is it possible that someone practicing a "dark art" was able to be such a conduit of love and healing for so many people?" Of course, the "old me" that still is partially hard-wired within my neural networks answered promptly: "It's all a trick. Don't believe any of it. It's all a gimmick created by the devil and demons to lead you astray. This is dangerous!" Sound crazy? Some of you will think yes and some of you will think no. And, of course, some of you will not care either way - and that's legitimate as well. However, the point I want to highlight here is the fear. I was truly amazed and freaked out by what I had read. I thought about this paradox for many days. How could something that was supposed to be evil be doing so much good? I needed to find out. I felt I was standing at a precipice. My fear about such things occult was staring me in the face and asking me, "What are you afraid of?" Well, for starters I was afraid of evil itself possessing me and ruining my life. I didn't know how that was necessarily going to happen but I was certainly scared it would. Or, would it?
So, I jumped. I haven't landed yet. I'm still falling. Not a falling from grace. Not a falling from "the way." Not a falling into the fire-y pits of hell. No, none of that. I'm falling feet and head first - tumbling into the unknown. Is it scary? Sometimes. But, I have this innate sense (and some of my experiences thus far have supported this sense) that I'm falling through the very anxiety and fear that has held me captive for so many, many years. I'm falling through the lies, perhaps even through other people's fear. And I'm falling through the false perspectives and ideas I've had about so many things - one of which is the nature of God. I'm falling and tumbling to the extent that I have become almost disoriented. But even that's ok. I'm simply letting go. How will I land? Will I even make a landing? I don't know. But that in itself is a freedom; falling so long and so far that a new reality - a fresh perspective on life - begins to take shape around me.
My point here, just in case I haven't been entirely clear, is this: the fear I was experiencing was the very thing that helped me formulate the questions necessary for me to decide what I needed to do next. And for that I am grateful. This wonderfully unknown experience will help me grow and expand. So far, I have noticed a nice correlation with 1) a reduction in general anxiety, 2) a decrease in depressive episodes that used to plague me monthly, 3) life, in a lot of ways, has started to look brighter, more hopeful and more interesting. I'm not saying that everything is suddenly going great and perfect - but, what I am saying is that I generally feel my life is starting to improve even more in overall quality.
End transmission.
Endnote
*I need to be clear here about a few things. I think there is a gross misunderstanding about the term occult in general. I think there are two types of occult to which people refer that get used interchangeably but erroneously. I consider pop-culture occult to be the type that is often confused with satanic practices. The other, more academic type of occult is anything that is considered more esoteric in nature. And by esoteric I am referring to anything that is considered hidden. Throughout various cultures and civilizations there seems to be mention of various practices that were kept in secrecy. Any practice and teaching that was a part of these secret teachings would be referred to as occult teachings and practice. This second type of occult teaching and practice is my area of focus. I have no interest in pursuing anything that would fall under the category of satanic. I am however, fully aware that for many people, this line between the academic and the satanic versions of occult are one and the same. For me, growing up, this appeared to be the case for me and others and I that is why, in part, I now wonder how many people actually did any research about anything occult before throwing their opinions around including myself. I suggest that many useful, helpful, and whole practices and teachings are "poo-pooed" and discarded because of this general confusion (which, I must say once again, was likely based on fear and not fact).
Let's go back to too frightened. I think this is the key for all of us. I have heard it said, "there are only two things: love and fear." At first, this smacks of dualism. Lots of things in life can be compartmentalized into two groups. Things are either right or wrong, good or bad, productive or unproductive, ...etc. And so, love and fear exist as two opposing forces and this makes sense to us intuitively. (In my opinion, the vast majority of the western world lives and breathes within dualism.) So, what? Well, if we leave it at that then, I think we miss the point entirely. It's as if we are left with a decision to choose either love or fear; that one is good and the other bad. Besides, aren't all things that make us fearful bad for us? Snakes and spiders with poisonous venom, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, terminal illness? Are not all of these things essentially bad for us and therefore deserving of our fear?
Perhaps not. I want to suggest to all of us that love and fear can coexist in a partnership that can be used to help us grow and expand as humans and souls in a universe that thrives on growth and expansion.
Both love and fear are great and powerful motivators. We commit ourselves to partners out of love, we "go to the ends of the earth" for our kids out of love, we tirelessly give of ourselves out of love...and so on. Love is a gift from the universe (or God, if you will). It can propel us through our darkest moments. But, what of fear? Have you ever considered that fear (or perhaps the ability to fear) is just as much a gift from the universe or God as is love? This is easy to see on a superficial level. It's good I'm fearful of slippery driving conditions - this keeps me aware of how I drive so as not to bring injury to myself or others. Or, it's good I'm fearful of being mauled by a bear - this keeps me aware of the dangers of backpacking in the mountains so I can stay alive. Here it's quite simple to see how fear is a "good" thing - it simply keeps us alive. So, unless you have a death wish, you can be grateful for the fear surrounding these situations. But, what about situations that are less concrete or obvious. What about the fear of being alone? What about the fear of losing a loved one to a terminal illness? Here, I believe we need to ask ourselves the question, "Why am I fearful?" or, "What am I fearful of?" In either case, the fear can point us to something that we have not given the time to consider; perhaps an issue that lies deep in our psyche or, as some would prefer, our soul memory. Fear is not just a motivator to preserve our lives in threatening situations. It can be like a friend who encourages us to move beyond our current situation and try something new and exciting; to engage in expansion and growth.
Consider the following example from my own life. I use this example deliberately because it's something I have thought about significantly over the last several weeks and I feel it is only appropriate, given the nature of this post, that I allow myself to become a bit vulnerable by sharing it. But first, let's create the context.
I grew up in a conservative Christian environment that subscribed mostly to a literalist perspective while maintaining close borders along evangelical and charismatic ideologies. Therefore, I was exposed to much discussion about the occult* and the evils thereof. Looking back, I have to ask myself, "How much research, reading of any kind, inquiry in general was actually taken on regarding things occult? Did anybody actually have any facts at all?" Maybe they did, but I have a tendency to believe not. I think a lot of what was spoken was delivered out of fear. I'll leave it at that for now. However, the result of such teachings was, in part, an intense fear born within myself about the devil, satan, demons, hell, eternal damnation and, of course, demon possession (cue dramatic & scary music here). So, somewhere along the way I got it into my head that Tarot cards, divination, out of body experiences, and pretty much all things paranormal were evil. It has only been in the recent past that I have started to challenge these ideas. I'm not going to say that I've done thousands and thousands of hours of research about things occult but I certainly have done my share.
So, that being said, approximately 3 months ago I had just finished reading a book authored by a medium. He wrote extensively about some of his experiences and how wonderful it was to be able to participate in messages of hope and closure between deceased persons and the living. I was a bit taken by surprise. One of the many questions I had was, "How is it possible that someone practicing a "dark art" was able to be such a conduit of love and healing for so many people?" Of course, the "old me" that still is partially hard-wired within my neural networks answered promptly: "It's all a trick. Don't believe any of it. It's all a gimmick created by the devil and demons to lead you astray. This is dangerous!" Sound crazy? Some of you will think yes and some of you will think no. And, of course, some of you will not care either way - and that's legitimate as well. However, the point I want to highlight here is the fear. I was truly amazed and freaked out by what I had read. I thought about this paradox for many days. How could something that was supposed to be evil be doing so much good? I needed to find out. I felt I was standing at a precipice. My fear about such things occult was staring me in the face and asking me, "What are you afraid of?" Well, for starters I was afraid of evil itself possessing me and ruining my life. I didn't know how that was necessarily going to happen but I was certainly scared it would. Or, would it?
So, I jumped. I haven't landed yet. I'm still falling. Not a falling from grace. Not a falling from "the way." Not a falling into the fire-y pits of hell. No, none of that. I'm falling feet and head first - tumbling into the unknown. Is it scary? Sometimes. But, I have this innate sense (and some of my experiences thus far have supported this sense) that I'm falling through the very anxiety and fear that has held me captive for so many, many years. I'm falling through the lies, perhaps even through other people's fear. And I'm falling through the false perspectives and ideas I've had about so many things - one of which is the nature of God. I'm falling and tumbling to the extent that I have become almost disoriented. But even that's ok. I'm simply letting go. How will I land? Will I even make a landing? I don't know. But that in itself is a freedom; falling so long and so far that a new reality - a fresh perspective on life - begins to take shape around me.
My point here, just in case I haven't been entirely clear, is this: the fear I was experiencing was the very thing that helped me formulate the questions necessary for me to decide what I needed to do next. And for that I am grateful. This wonderfully unknown experience will help me grow and expand. So far, I have noticed a nice correlation with 1) a reduction in general anxiety, 2) a decrease in depressive episodes that used to plague me monthly, 3) life, in a lot of ways, has started to look brighter, more hopeful and more interesting. I'm not saying that everything is suddenly going great and perfect - but, what I am saying is that I generally feel my life is starting to improve even more in overall quality.
End transmission.
Endnote
*I need to be clear here about a few things. I think there is a gross misunderstanding about the term occult in general. I think there are two types of occult to which people refer that get used interchangeably but erroneously. I consider pop-culture occult to be the type that is often confused with satanic practices. The other, more academic type of occult is anything that is considered more esoteric in nature. And by esoteric I am referring to anything that is considered hidden. Throughout various cultures and civilizations there seems to be mention of various practices that were kept in secrecy. Any practice and teaching that was a part of these secret teachings would be referred to as occult teachings and practice. This second type of occult teaching and practice is my area of focus. I have no interest in pursuing anything that would fall under the category of satanic. I am however, fully aware that for many people, this line between the academic and the satanic versions of occult are one and the same. For me, growing up, this appeared to be the case for me and others and I that is why, in part, I now wonder how many people actually did any research about anything occult before throwing their opinions around including myself. I suggest that many useful, helpful, and whole practices and teachings are "poo-pooed" and discarded because of this general confusion (which, I must say once again, was likely based on fear and not fact).
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